Posh's bony ass blew into Denver yesterday on a paper airplane to sit in as the guest judge on American Idol next to Hackey McClutchJaw and Simon "The Titty" Cowell. According to Radar, not everyone was clapping with their labia lips when they saw Posh. Some contestants were disappointed that Paula wasn't there. Obviously, these contestants don't go on the internet, watch TV, listen to radio, talk to other people or read the "breaking news" section of their PharmRep Magazine, because every bitch knew Paula wasn't going to be there.

Some source-type (aka Paula's day-shift dealer) added, "It didn't go too well. She tried to hard to be 'nice,' but came off as icy and wooden."

If they expected Posh to be crying, then they need to quit sniffing Paula's homemade paste and come back down to Earth. Posh can't cry, because if she sheds one liquid tear, she will immediately dehydrate and turn into a lump of bone dust. And we already know she's as icy as Nicole Kidman's bare clit in a snowstorm. We know this and would expect nothing less.

I shall end this post with some pictures of our Vicodin Viking rising from the ashes by greeting her public at Burbank Airport yesterday. If that Officer Pepaw only knew what was in her bag....

Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud is one of my favorite drunk Brits. Bitch loves to lap up the sweet nectar and it shows. Look at her ass leaving a London club at 4 in the morning. Druuuunk. When your eyes are unintentionally doing an impersonation of Wonky McValtrex, you've got the drunks in a major way. Speaking of boozing, here's a story/warning out of Boulder, CO that you should try to remember just when you're about to pass out after a night of debauchery.

So, this 20-year-old chick was partying it up on the rooftop of her sister's apartment building in Boulder. The girl's sister said she had two tequila shots, two vodka lemonades and probably a couple of beers, but she wasn't totally blitzed. The girl decided she had enough boozing, so she went downstairs to her sister's fifth-floor apartment to sleep it off. About two hours later, her sister came to check on her and couldn't find her ass anywhere in the apartment! It was about that time that an ambulance pulled up to the apartment building. The girl was lying on the grass below with a window screen near her! The bed the girl was sleeping in was right next to a window. You do the math.

The police think that homegirl accidentally rolled out of the window while she was sleeping. She was taken to the hospital for surgery and is currently recovering. Despite now having a phobia of sleeping next to windows, the girl will be fine.

This is why it's sometimes best to blackout on your bathroom floor! Seriously, before you're about to fall into a drunk coma, close every damn window and lock that bitch! And if you MUST have the window open, attach a bungee cord to your ankle just in case.

Freckles from Vh1's Real Chance of Love 2 - My ass barely watched the first episode of this wreck which premiered last week and of course, I instantly fell in love with Freckles' exquisite eyebrows that were drawn by the hand of a cholita angel. SPOILER ALERT: Unfortunately, Freckles was executed on the first damn episode! Those dick bags were threatened by her gorgeous eyebrows And Freckles is right, she really is "top of the line dime" (whatever the dick that means).

Freckles is also a poet. She's like the morning-shift stripper version of Maya Angelou with eyebrows that will make a Sharpie weep. Clip below: